Blog Entry 3.

My stomach hurts. Do you ever get that? When you go all red. Your palms sweat. You feel so warm. And your stomach is just KILLING you inside. I get it all the time. It started last year. At first it was just once or twice a week but now I get it every day.

My mum says it's nerves. She tells me how she and her sister used to get it. My aunty STILL gets like that apparently. I guess you just have to learn to live with it... When I sit near the front in class is usuakkt when it's at it's worst. What if people laugh at me? Or stare? What if they all make fun of me? I feel so insecure!

Why?! Why does this happen to me?!

To be honest, I don't think it would ever have been this bad if I hadn't been bullied in 1st year. I don't think I would even be the person I am today. I hate what I am. I'm always such a bitch to everyone. It's probably why I only have one friend left. It sucks. I know if I tried then I could make friends. But I just don't see the point anymore. I don't want fake friends who only need me when there's no one else. I don't want friends who go out and bitch about me behind my back...

So there's no point in trying. And I certainly don't want to take someone away from their friends and get in between friends. I've done that before by accident. Never again. It's too much.

I've also lost my faith in God. I pray when I can. I thank God for things. I ask for help. For advice. But I am never answered. I don't see the point in believing in something that isn't real.

I've made up my own religion. No gods. Yet... Just rules, beliefs, etc. Reincarnation for example is one of the main beliefs. I have really just taken different aspects, properties and ideas that I like from religions. It makes me feel independent. There is also no praying included whatsoever. Praying doesn't appeal to me.

I still don't have a name for it all yet. I shall brood over it later...

Got to get ready for Drama and get some dinner now so goodnight. :)

Blog Entry 2.

I hate school. It's so pointless. And it's even worse when your best friend is in Australia and your standing in the courtyard waiting for the bell to ring. It's cold, but I don't mind. I like the cold. I would rather be too cold than too hot. I get so agitated when it's warm and end up in a foul mood.

Maths is next period. I hate maths. I hate almost everything! But maths is by far the worst... Being in a credit class probably adds to the torture. All the things I need to know. Everything that I'm expected to know. I'm off a lot so that I can go to the hospital. It's not my fault I have medical issues and can't be in school to learn... I like going to the hospital though. It's interesting. All the different people working together to make it all happen. It amazes me. Though I dislike when I have to get examined. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I end up sweating like mad. Probably to do with my lack of confidence...

Urgh... That's the bell. Bye.

Blog Entry 1.

Hi. I'm Cassidy. Just your average Scottish 14 year old girl. Well, maybe not average... I like witchcraft and magic. And I read. A lot. I mostly read fantasy books. Everything else is just so boring!

Another thing about me- I have one, proper friend. Her name is Astrid. Okay, her name isn't actually Astrid, but it would suit her. Same with mine, I'm not actually called Cassidy, but I think the name is really nice. As I was saying, Astrid is my best friend and I've known her since primary school. We met when I tripped and fell and she helped my up again in primary 1. We've been inseparable since.

I don't tell Astrid about my witchcraft. It's special. I haven't practised in ages though. Too busy reading. And cleaning. And being bored. I think the reason for this is because Astrid is in Australia visiting family...

I do have two other friends, but they don't ever ask me to go out. So I get left in a house with seven other people and two cats. It sucks being me. :/